How A Solo Trip To Miami Reconnected Me With Self
OCTOBER 31, 2022
I took a solo trip to Miami and it kind of changed my life...Hear me out friends //
I’ve done a fair share of solo traveling in recent time, especially last year in 2021, where I was committed to overcoming some icky codependence and getting more comfortable being alone. But this one hit quite different.
For starters, it was the first time I’ve flown anywhere by myself to be by myself (flying = much different and BIGGER than driving like I normally do for solo getaways within my comfortable, little & immediate New England setting). Secondly, it was the first time I had taken a solo trip since stepping into a relationship back at the tail end of last year. So it’s definitely been a good minute (a solid 10-plus-months-minute), and I couldn’t help feeling like I’ve gotten a bit rusty at this solo travel thing 🥴 But #silverlinings, as discomfort is always an invitation to look deeper. SO, I took my rusty sentiments as a sign to uncover why I’ve lost the energy and excitement I worked so hard to build the last few years around taking myself out to new places and savoring the experiences of my own company. And in the process of uncovering, I came to face some deeper-rooted insights. Insights like //
(More) Codependence // Yes, this weighty word I’ve worked so hard to reprogram for myself. Since 2018, after stepping out of a longterm relationship and being alone and single for the first time in a very long time, I’ve been working deep to cultivate more self-reliance, autonomy, and independence outside of other people (and most recently: substances and activities like alcohol, fitness, and overworking). The process has been a roller coaster of emotions, challenges and true discomfort, but ultimately, has been one of the most beautiful and greatest gifts, helping me to finally foster the confidence, certainty, and self-love I never knew I could embrace (and — finally do a away with some social anxiety and people pleasing that’s been lurking around for so long). What’s been interesting to notice however, is how quickly some of these qualities can start getting muddied when you step into a partnership and reliance reemerges, in addition to expectation-setting (especially around doing everything together with another person). In a perfect world, perhaps your partner says yes to all of your lofty plans and drops everything to tend to your wants. But in reality (for most people I would imagine at least) and in my reality specifically, there is long distance and other personal circumstances that make it difficult for my boyfriend and I to see each other as often as we would like. This fact alone has been extremely difficult for me to process and accept. I’m such a dang go-getter, that when I set my mind on something, I’m usually VERY crushed when things don’t go my way. So it’s been a lot of difficult yet beautiful sacrifice and compromise (and humbling) (LOTS of humbling), but #silverlinings yet again and all to say // my relationship has illuminated areas for me where I need to let go of more control, cultivate more patience, and embrace leaning more on my own company to fill the void of certain plans that my partner, (plus friends and family) can’t always fill. With all of these realizations, the message revealed itself clearly for me to tune more back into self, and release the over-reliance on others to always bring me the internal happiness I seek. Enter: the willpower to take a trip to Miami knowing no one else could and would go with me. I honored my internal desire despite the circumstances and initial discomfort of being alone, and once I steadied all of my fear-based thinking and truly grounded myself, the trip unfolded in the most beautiful of ways (more on that below).
Discontent // Since jumping ship to freelancing full-time in January of 2021, I opted to close the chapter on my 10-year Boston city-living and move back with my family in Connecticut, in the midst of much excitement, but also uncertainty with growing my business (that, plus the equally-uncertain pandemic state of the world). Over time, I’ve been growing equal parts comfortable and uncomfortable with being back in my suburbia hometown. It’s been beautiful to reconnect with my massive Polish family here and finally partake in the spontaneous experiences and adventures all of my cousins and family members enjoy on the regular. But there’s also been a dullness with suburban living that I recognize my soul (in this budding season of my life) inherently just can’t seem to shake. My life in Boston definitely awakened the inner city girl energy in me, and I sadly don’t think I’ll settle from the discontent unless my body is physically surrounded by high rises, bustling sidewalks, and coffee-shops-on-every-corner streets. Thus, the internal desire to reconnect with these bigger and more lively settings has especially been calling me through venturing outside of my CT home whenever and however I can.
Guilt & Shame // If you were to make a list and rank the top 10 most important things to you in your life what would they be and why? For me, freedom tops the chart as my number one most important and sacred value. And is exactly the reason why I’ve always dreamed of having my own business or doing something on my own terms to some capacity in my life. Now that I’ve built a solid foundation for my freelance business, with consistent monthly income and a growing team of incredible designers for support, I actually finally DO have that freedom that I’ve been working so, so hard to get to. The problem? I’ve been working so much and have grown so acclimated to the CEO / hustle hard lifestyle this last summer season especially, that I’ve forgotten why I even started my business in the first place, not to mention leaving zero room for enjoyment outside of work. Outside of my studio’s core purpose, which is to inspire others through beauty and intentional design, lies the deep-rooted desire to experience all of the richness that life has to offer and actually live out my life to experience all of it (plus — sharing it all with others through outlets like my social media and this blog). So when my business finally caught a lull at the start of this month, and I finally had time for things outside of client work, I came to face the MOST discontent, discomfort and difficulty with leaning in to a state of pure being (which was radical seeing how much I had been craving a break after working nonstop). I’ve since recognized a few reasons for this, one of which includes some icky feelings centered around guilt and shame. Guilt and shame around actually enjoying myself and savoring my free time while in the context of those around me who are unable to have as much freedom as me. A paltry reason (I know), but a reason for me nonetheless, and one I had to shake and come out from (which I *eventually* did while on my trip). I’ve reasoned to also believe that society’s glorification on work and productivity are likewise at the root of a lot of these guilty and shameful feelings for me. That, partnered with some narratives from my culture and upbringing that always connect more work with more reward (while rarely celebrating down time and rest). These narratives have deep rooted anchors and have especially been an area of focus and reprogramming-prioritization for me since becoming aware of them over the course of the last few years. (Clearly, they still seem to hold a bit of weight seeing that it was so challenging to fully surrender and embrace the relaxation I’ve been working so hard for 🙈)
The common theme with all of these insights? I was getting in my own. dang. way. But once I realized this, I booked my round trip flight and secured my airbnb and off to Miami I went.
So it was a perfect, seamless and amazing trip through and through that left me wholly enlightened and super empowered? Yes but also NO 😆 Yes, once I finally and *ACTUALLY* faced all of these insights head on that is.
After I booked my tickets, I felt a massive wave of doubt and fear wash over me. Along with the surfacing of alllll the insecurities and self-deprecating feelings of unworthiness, like // You could be working and attracting more clients to your biz. You’re going to spend so much money. What if something happens? Do you really deserve this vacation? Everyone else is working and staying home, you should TOO. And on and on and ON they went.
You know that expression “When it rains it pours?” Well, it couldn’t have possibly rang more true for me heading into this trip. Because the more these fear-based thoughts kept permeating my consciousness, the more misfortune I kept attracting into my orbit and the more anxiety I was building up for myself.
After a completely wired and sleepless night pre-trip, I proceeded to safely get to the airport for my 8:30am flight, verbalizing all of the positive affirmations one could possibly imagine in an effort to calm myself down and relax while walking over to my gate. Once I settled in to my seat and awaited boarding, I literally (and very comically) whispered to myself aloud “OK, you’re freaking doing this. You're Releasing. Relaxing. LETTING GO.” But words without meaning are only just words, and I couldn’t internally feel into the actual release, relaxation, and surrender. So I boarded the plane once they called my group and proceeded to carelessly leave my backpack in my seat at the gate 🙈 Looking back now, instead of a forceful push, in hindsight this was actually a *gentle nudge* from the Universe to shake me out of my looping thoughts and help me calm DOWN, because the situation truly could have been much worse. Fortunately, I instantly realized my absentmindedness as soon as I boarded the plane, and had a kind TSA worker head back to my gate to grab my bag (all safe and sound) 🥲
Meditation music in my AirPods, some serious deep breaths, and more very comical and audible self talk whispers later, I managed to regain some equilibrium and channel some stillness for the rest of my flight. As I touched down in Miami and Lyfted over to my Airbnb, things were going relatively smooth and I even enjoyed a beautiful conversation with my driver who regaled me with some wild life experiences while living in Rio de Janeiro for 7 years. But all the while, I knew I hadn’t fully settled in as I felt the tension in my shoulders and the uneasiness still nagging at me for taking this trip. It all finally came to a head while getting settled in my Airbnb, after waiting 3 extra hours for my room to be cleaned (there was a mishap with the cleaning service) and turning on the kitchen faucet, which proceeded to flood the floor with water because the pipe was unscrewed beneath the sink. It was at this point that I dropped down on the bed and started sobbing. Sobbing for the sake of pure, pissed off, helpless sobbing. Which came as the ultimate release for me and the final wake up call I needed to shake me out of my self-induced stress and overwhelm. I literally threw my hands up in the air and (talking to myself comically yet again) proclaimed (NOT whispering this time) to the Universe that I give up. Done // no more. My ultimate rock bottom and surrender moment. And the moment I finally decided to take ownership of my circumstances, get my freaking shit together and step into enjoying this vacation I booked and SO rightfully deserved to take for myself.
It was at that point that the entire energy of the trip changed for me and the rest of my time in Miami did in fact, turn out to be the incredible, beautiful, and restful experience I was hoping for. I savored copious sun and beach time, I toured galleries, museums, stores and shops galore, I sunrise beach-yoga-ed, I indulged in amazing poke bowls, matchas and a delightful spicy marg, I connected with incredible, new human souls from all walks of life, and I even took myself out to see a concert (my dear Rufus du Sol live on their final North America show as part of their 2022 tour 🥲) (I literally feel like I came ALIVE during this experience, absorbing the music into every cell of my being and dancing my freaking pants off — SO cheesy, so true).
Most importantly and meaningfully though, I reconnected with self and fostered the comfort and content with enjoying my own company (yet again) while also fully recharging. This was the most fulfilling takeaway from my time in Miami (among many others that I'll share next), as it was the one I think I needed most, without even realizing it. Between my business, my relationship, my family and my friends, I’ve come to recognize that I’m unable to FULLY show up for any of these without my cup being filled to the brim FIRST. This is a massive takeaway that I came to recognize far prior to this trip, but perhaps needed to be reminded of again this time around. “Self care” may seem like it’s gotten diluted over time, but the core intention and power behind the term stays ringing deeply true for me — nurturing yourself and making sure you are fully taken care of (physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually) before tending to and showing up for others. (Big shoutout to my incredible coach for engraining this one for me !!) When you’re at 100%, you’re able to then give 100% of yourself to all those around you. Why would anyone want anything less from you after all? As a side note: this mention does not imply that I (or anyone for that matter) needs a full escape to a tropical climate or a lofty solo trip every single time they are seeking an opportunity to refuel. Sometimes it truly can be as simple as turning down an invitation for plans and spending time by yourself binging some good old SATC, or taking a delicious epsom salt bath. But if the opportunity for a trip presents itself and your soul wants to embrace the call, then I’m all for honoring that call. This was exactly the circumstance for me with this Miami getaway, and I can genuinely say I am grateful for leaning in and taking away alllll the reinvigorated energy from this one.
I also feel like I needed a more “substantial” self care experience with this trip to fully be able to recharge, outside of my regular at-home rituals. I spent the majority of this summertime grinding with my eyes glued to the computer, committed to more business growth and increasing monthly revenue, and while I may have achieved those goals, I also fell into burnout and lost sight of what life looks like outside of work and career obligations. My 5 day escape to Miami was the wake up call I didn’t even realize I needed to bring me the long overdue rest and relaxation and get me back to feeling true wholeness, while also making peace with the internal dilemmas I was facing from above. When I touched down back in CT on my final day, I felt sad to be parting ways with the warm, carefree and easy Miami energy, but rejuvenated and re-enlivened after my trip. Every ounce of my being is grateful that I genuinely LOVE the work that I do with my business (no more Sunday scaries here 😌) and I especially feel that love heightened after some intentional time away (it’s like I leave my child behind and get to reconnect with her after these trips).
Apart from reconnecting with self and filling up on much needed R&R, other takeaways from this special getaway included:
Novel, spontaneous & authentic human connection is a beautiful thing // I met so many incredible souls on this trip. Unexpected conversations from strangers reminded me how much I love genuine human connection and how enlivening it is to hear people's vast and diverse life experiences. I shared conversations with Uber drivers, passerbys, concert goers, and fellow lunch & dinner mates. I Ubered with a prolific singer from Venezuela, shared a ride with the sweetest Prague woman who owns a breathtaking vineyard in France, and had deep conversation over lunch with the longest-serving, first-time, non violent offender in America who is now screen & playwriting his crazy life story (this was quite a wild one 😂). It was interesting and beautiful to notice how much my soul inherently craved interaction on this trip (we are social creatures after all), and to no real surprise, seeing that I do consider myself social, and was lacking an outlet being all by myself on this excursion. Any awkwardness or embarrassment with random questions and small talk also quickly dissipated the more I put myself out there and felt into the situations where I had the opportunity to connect (As a quick mention: not every situation presented itself as ideal for conversation and this is where I really had to lean in to my intuition to discern whether or not it was a good moment to engage). All in all // the interactions I experienced were so special and helped remind me of the unexpected and profound beauty that lies when you open yourself to connecting with new humans.
Stay open and go with the flow // The overtly Type A, controller & overplanner in me was very conscious to NOT control and overplan anything for this trip. In fact, I barely made any plans at all, outside of making it a point to be on the beach at least once a day (I’m trying to retain my summer bronzey glow here 😆). Daily beaching was made easy as I purposely booked an Airbnb right on South Beach (the beach was literally my backyard ☺️). There were moments where I caught myself wanting to jam pack my days, in an effort to do as much as I possibly could to take full advantage of my time in Miami, but those impulses quickly dissipated as I reminded myself why I was taking the trip in the first place (to RELAX). So I went into each day completely unplanned, outside of one where I intentionally spent time in the beautiful Coconut Grove neighborhood and then ventured to explore some art at the ICA which I had purchased timed tickets for. It was actually SO refreshing and exhilarating to go about my days like this, as opposed to my regularly structured and routine-like agendas that I live out in my day-to-day (and am usually guilty of carrying out for most of my trips). I truly was able to savor ultimate freedom with this loose itinerary, and it also invited an opportunity to further connect with my intuition in real time to guide me towards what I was craving in each present moment (something that I inherently always have such a hard time doing!!) Speaking of intuition ...
Trust your gut // As mentioned above, decision-making doesn't always come easy for me. As an empath and recovering people-pleaser (🙈) I've always found it challenging to discern between my own instincts and impulses and those of others around me. Since moving back home to CT, I've actually observed this discernment suffer a bit more, as I share home-living with my parents and am in constant and close contact with family. It's easy for me to override my natural inclinations when collective decisions are being made, peer pressure is more persistent, and the simple and very vulnerable need to belong, connect and be a part of a bigger group is ever-present. What my alone time in Miami brought me was a light and refreshing freedom in listening to my internal wants and needs, and the certainty in acting on those wants and needs knowing the only person I had to satisfy was myself. While sharing travel time with another person or a larger group brings its own set of beauty and perks, there is also more compromise and could be more uncertainty with planning and activities, given you have to consider the collective's feelings. As a change, it was refreshing to experience calling all of my own shots and savoring everything that my soul was called to do on my own terms. While this may all sound nice, it didn't go without some challenge for me throughout the trip, as I found the controller and overplanner in me from my last point above overthink a lot of options (like which places to eat, where to go explore, etc). Naturally, (for mostly everyone I would assume), you want to make the most of your time and settle on the best possible choices to savor all that you possibly can. I found this pressure creep up often when I was browsing for my next to-do's, but quickly became conscious of the pattern and tried my best to release the need for perfection. It wasn't until I really leaned into full surrender that my intuition was able to come forth more clearly, pulling me towards the cafes, shops, and streets my soul was deeply gravitating towards.
You attract what you are // I've always heard expressions like "Your frequency is what you frequently see" and "Your vibe attracts your tribe", but never was able to recognize their true weight until I lived out the experiences that I did on this trip. My anxiety-ridden state on the first day was the true testament to literally seeing and attracting more anxiety-ridden situations into my orbit, and it was actually profound for me to witness how much my situations were directly mirroring my energy. This was a massive insight that I garnered on my trip, and one I will be holding near and dear to me as I'm back to navigating routine life at home. Your mindset truly does set the tone for EVERYTHING, and my dramatized debacles were perhaps needed for me to finally understand this point to its fullest capacity.
Amidst all of these life lessons and profound realizations also emerged a glowing pride and satisfaction with myself, recognizing that not only was I able to take this trip all on my own, but I was also able to push past all of the discomfort and insecurities to emerge on the other side feeling the MOST fulfillment from all of my experiences there. What's also more: a sweet and powerful reminder of my inherent strength, courage and resiliency that left me feeling whole after a season of serious doing and plenty pockets of self-doubt and feelings of "not enoughness" along the way. I'm forever grateful for the opportunity to have taken the chance on this trip and cultivate all of the insights that it offered me ❣️
For anyone considering a solo trip, I TRULY cannot encourage it enough. If there is any discomfort or hesitation at the idea, consider it an opportunity to dig deeper and ask yourself why. Do you fear being alone? Do you not trust yourself enough? Do you feel unworthy or undeserving of the experience? Are you worried what others may think? Do you truly love yourself and value your own company? If flying somewhere feels overwhelming from the get-go, consider a shorter distance drive to a bigger city or even the countryside to enjoy a mini 2-day-getaway. I started my solo trips very local, driving from CT to revisit my old stomping grounds in Boston, where I knew the city and had plenty close connections there that I could meet with for company. Over time, the confidence and courage to take farther excursions for longer stretches of times became more normal and comfortable.
I also was inspired by and highly recommend a listen to this and this podcast, which both speak to the value of solo traveling.
LASTLY! // If you're intrigued by the idea of Miami, here's a list of some of my experiences and most memorable places from my time in the city:
STAY
South Beach // I booked a teeny Airbnb studio right on Ocean Drive, at the tip of South Beach knowing I wanted direct and close access to the beach. (I also stayed in this area of the city on a trip to Miami the previous summer, and was comforted knowing there would be some familiarity to the neighborhood). I find so many mixed reactions from people with SoBe (either you love it or hate it), but I personally have a big affinity. Outside of the beautiful beaches (it's really the only part of Miami where you can get access to beach), the amenities, activities and people are so vast and diverse, and there's no shortage of things to do. I made it a point to not be on the central part of Ocean Drive (this is where you get your famous Art Deco hotels, touristy restaurants, and nightlife), as I wanted a more mellow and quiet scene during my stay. But if you're up for the energy (and interesting array of people in this area 😆), definitely do it UP.
Coconut Grove // This neighborhood touched my heart and if it wasn't for the lack of beach, I would have definitely opted to stay here. It's a more upper-scale part of the city and is surrounded by the most tropical lushness (palm trees, parks, and vegetation galore), and has no shortage of adorable shops and cafes. I toured this area by foot and and booked a Citi Bike to further explore all it had to offer.
VISIT
Vizcaya Museum & Gardens // My Coconut Grove Citi biking adventure took me to this incredible Italian-style villa and I was mesmerized by all of its architecture and landscape BEAUTY. I easily could have spent the entire day walking the gardens and gazing at the ceiling details in the main museum and would consider it a top to-do if you're in the area.
Perez Art Museum // I explored this amazing jewel while on my last Miami vacation in 2021 and was blown away by the collections and the building itself (designed by the prolific architecture firm Herzog & de Meuron). I didn't venture back here while on this trip, and instead opted to see the Institute of Contemporary Art in the Design District, which was actually a big disappointment! (They were renovating the 2nd & 3rd floors and the teeny 1st floor exhibition wasn't that intriguing). For future Miami visits, the Perez will definitely be my go-to again.
Bayside Marketplace // This is a bustling marketplace with shops, restaurants, bars, and vendors galore right on the water in Downtown Miami. I grabbed a quick spicy marg at Lola Bar before heading to my concert at the FPL Solar Amphitheater in the area and it was a SCENE.
Wynwood // I didn't make it into the Wynwood neighborhood while on this trip, but fell in love with its murals, shops, and super artsy & eclectic scene by day when I last visited Miami. The bars and nightlife in this area are also a TIME, but I wouldn't opt to venture here alone as its known to get a little sketch (and I've personally witnessed some rowdiness in the streets on my previous visit 😆).
South Pointe Park // I was genuinely floored by the beauty and vibes of this amazing park flanking the very tip of South Beach. This area draws a huge crowd each evening as the sun sets and it's easy to see why. With incredible water views overlooking the Miami skyline, lush greenspace, and a cute little dog park, the ambiance of this setting is nothing but chill and easy vibes.
South Beach // An obvious and must for sun and sand. But beyond that, the boardwalk is a beautiful place to stroll and enjoy. I did an early morning run on my second day down and back and then savored the sunrise on the beach. Speaking of sunrises, there is an open & donation-based sunrise yoga class every morning, and I opted to join on my final day as a parting activity on my trip. It brought me beautiful zen & grounded vibes that I carried back with me on my travels home.
EAT
Under the Mango Tree // A delicious vegan spot for smoothies, acai bowls, juices, coffees, and the most delightful cinnamon-honey matcha I ever did taste.
Pura Vida South of Fifth // A yummy & health-focused eatery with an amazing selection of salads and bowls. I had an Ahi Tuna Salad and it did NOT disappoint.
Plenty Poke & Juice Bar // A teeny poke spot that also serves fresh juices and salads and was the most refreshing lunch spot on my first day in the city.
Panther Coffee // I visited the Coconut Grove location to get my matcha fix and she was lovely.
Glass & Vine // I savored (another) Ahi Tuna salad at this lovely indoor / outdoor eatery in Coconut Grove. Super lush and cute with beautiful vegetation and great vibes.
Smith & Wollensky // I normally try to avoid chains and opt for the more local & one-of-a-kind eatery, but couldn't resist the ambiance of the outdoor bar overlooking South Point Park at this S&W location. This one was definitely a treat for myself, celebrating my final dinner on my last day in Miami (she's pricey), but was SO worth it. I savored a glass of bubbly, 1/2 dozen oysters and opted for the Chilean Sea Bass & side of truffle fries for my meal. It was incredible. And the views: I think made the entire experience that much more enjoyable and worthwhile.
