My Journey From Lost & Unfulfilling 9-5 To Purpose-Driven Design Studio
Plus: Life Lessons On Patience, Perseverance, and Connection To Purpose
MAY 10, 2023
Have you ever had that moment where you’ve either hit a rock bottom, reached a monotonous complacency or feel like you can’t escape the predicament you’re in (maybe you’re in “the spiral”) — and you think to yourself: There just HAS to be more to life than this?
I’ve been there many times over (and, still continue to be every now and then). But now when these moments come to face me, I see them as an invitation instead of a daunting thought — a welcoming of sorts, to look deeper and ask, “Well, what COULD life *actually* look like?”
When I graduated college with my Master’s of Architecture degree in 2015, I was excited to start my journey on becoming a successful architect. Fast-forward just 1.5 years in the industry and I was miserable and felt completely lost. From a tight-knit community of friends and colleagues in architecture school, with endless and unfiltered creativity from studio projects, plus daily novelty with my schedule and routine, to sitting at the same desk, in the same building, every. single. day on the same exact schedule doing work for someone else’s dream — the contrast couldn’t have been more stark.
So I would come home from work everyday to a glass of wine, binge-eat while mindlessly watching TV, and then hammer myself with Crossfit, boxing and HIIT workouts (as “punishment”) the following morning before I had to go into the office to start yet another day at that same. exact. desk.
After a while, the wine and binge-eating got replaced by chronic orthorexia — a compulsive obsession with alllll the latest and greatest health / wellness diets, trends, and detoxes (paleo, keto, raw vegan, juice cleanses, herbal medicine, calorie-counting, weighing / measuring foods — you name it, I’ve tried it).
Looking back now, I recognize that all of these behaviors were just a form of numbing and control. I was depressed and utterly unfulfilled with work, and life in general at that point — I was running from myself and felt stuck in a career that I believed I “should” be doing (because that’s what society and my degree told me). So I looked to alcohol, food and fitness for things I actually *could* control.
All the while, the daunting thought looping in my head — There just HAS to be more to life than this.
Then, 1:50am, December 1, 2016: I woke up in the middle of the night with a *seemingly* random idea for a creative outlet — a container for which I could start sharing some of my passion projects for my crafts outside of my 9–5.
At this time, I had started making some handmade cards for fun on the side. I was desperately craving an activity to channel some of the same creativity that brought me joy in architecture school. The idea felt like a full-body, internal “download”, like a deep knowing of something I HAD to do. It was going to be called domka, which is a Polish derivative of the word ‘home’ and it was going to be an online platform where I could “house” my handmade cards. I grabbed a piece of paper and couldn’t stop writing all of the ideas, and (quite literally) channeled my entire brand manifesto (that to THIS DAY, rings true for my current brand and design studio).
My channeled idea 👽✨ (!!)
After that illuminating night, I got to WORK. I started dreaming into what that creative outlet would look like and took aligned action every single day to bring it to life.
My initial idea was a website and a weekly initiative of handmade cards that I would document and showcase to the world. I called it Collection 052 and became obsessed with every part of the process: the weekly cardmaking, the daily research on graphic and website design, the actual building of my site. I bought books and signed up for countless classes, tutorials and workshops on branding, marketing, coding, SEO, web design and development — all the things. I spent every waking minute before going into the office (after my 6:30am boxing classes (still happening, just toned down a bit now 😅) working tirelessly on bringing this idea of domka to life, during my lunch break, after hours, and on the weekends TOO.
Finally, I launched my site. I continued to make cards. I opened a shop and thought I could go full-time selling them. At this point I was dreaming into the idea of becoming a full-time stationery designer.
But scaling a business for custom handmade cards proved to be much harder than I thought (there’s only so much profit I could make). So gradually over time, I allowed this stationery dream of mine to fizzle out.
One of my special handmade cards ❣️
However — my cardmaking journey had planted so many *other* seeds with exposure to the world of digital design. And for the first time since I had graduated architecture school, I was able to catch a *teenie* glimpse into what true fulfillment from work could look like.
And therein, an 8-month long search began for me to try something different, to walk away from architecture and search for a new job doing something else that could give me the same (or a similar) level of satisfaction like my card initiative did.
At this point, I found myself lost (again). I didn’t know what I was searching for. But was giving everything a shot, applying for social media management positions, UX/UI jobs, graphic design opportunities — all of it. Anything that could offer me deeper joy, novelty and expression of my creativity.
Finally, after 8 months of soul-searching, interviewing, and a slew of rejections and no’s, I was offered an opportunity at a small start-up agency in Boston.
But there were caveats: I had to take a $15K pay cut, there were zero benefits, and I was to work out of my boss’s dining room table from her home (this was super start-up-y 😆). Naturally, all the fears surfaced (my own, but especially my parents’ and family’s). But all the while, given the extreme risk and chance with this job, it just felt SO inherently right, just like the deep knowing that I felt the night my vision for domka came to me.
So with that deep knowing, I said yes to the offer. And stepped onto a new path with my career journey for the next 2 years, finally aligning with more of that deeper fulfillment, novelty, and joy from my work that I had so deeply been searching for.
Because the company was so small (there were only 3 of us when I started), I was exposed to everything, having my hands in all the scrappy, one-off, and unexpected tasks while entrenching myself deeper in my digital design skills, self-teaching on all things social media, branding, creative direction, and more.
With deeper knowledge and confidence in my design capabilities, slowly over time, one-off freelance opportunities began to fall in my lap. But having signed a non-compete with my agency, my freedom felt limited and my hands tied with how much I was able to do (*BIG teaching moment and takeaway here: always read the contract before signing!).
Eventually, my desire to serve others with my design skills outside of my agency container overshadowed my desire for staying there. I recognized a lot of similar feelings from when I was in my previous architecture position coming up. And that dang, familiar thought resurfacing — There just HAS to be more to life than this.
I knew it was time to pivot (again).
After navigating the pandemic all of 2020 and a pay cut due to projects slowing down, I gave my bosses an ultimatum to go part-time so I could pursue more freelance for compensation. But instead of an agreement came a lay-off. While I had planned for the possibility of getting let go (building up an emergency fund, withdrawing my 401K for safety, securing my LLC behind the scenes) I truthfully wasn’t expecting it to happen.
In hindsight now, the lay-off was the exact push I needed from the Universe to finally let go. Because without it, I would have stayed complacent and the *extreme fear* would have kept me playing small. And while the fear DID feel extreme, there was also an underlying sense of grounding that I felt beneath it — a deep knowing (again) that somehow, everything was going to be OK. It was the middle of a world pandemic, my parents were freaking out, I had $10K to my name (yes, this was my paltry emergency fund), and 2 small clients under my belt to sustain me 🙈 BUT, all the while, I just knew that all was going to work itself out.
There’s something really, really incredible that happens when you start to align yourself on the path. When you put yourself and your passions first, when you tune out the fears and doubts from your mind (and from others), when you take those big, scary risks that feel overwhelming, when you commit to the visions inside of you, and especially: when you hold tightly to the belief that There just HAS to be more to life than this. And you use it as fuel to actually create the life that YOU *actually* want to live.
The Universe supports you.
When I officially started my full-time freelance journey in January of 2021, it felt like the floodgates opened. Clients came out from *seemingly* nowhere. People got word that I was on my own and inquired for design help. I was supported and shown that I was meant to be doing this. That my risk was getting rewarded. After my first year in business, I nearly doubled my income from my agency job. In year two, I surpassed 6 figures and almost tripled it. And now in year three, well, the goals continue to grow bigger 🙂
Has it been easy? Far from it. Entrepreneurship comes with many costs and there’s nothing quite like it to make you face your self deeper (aside from navigating intimate relationships, perhaps 😅). There have been deep lows as much as great highs. But all the while, the incredible fulfillment that it offers me keeps the flame alive and keeps me truly going. It’s that same fulfillment that I experienced from my first handmade card and website project back in 2016.
Most recently, too, there has emerged another driver for my business, and it entails a powerful connection to my purpose. A purpose that is rooted in supporting other purpose-driven creatives with a deeper connection to their purpose through my strategy, branding and design work.
I’ve started to recognize the inherent beauty and goodness that lies through the act of service through my talents and skills, rooting deeper into my offerings to support more people on a bigger scale. And that’s the deepest, most rewarding feeling there is.
While my business continues to scale and my fulfillment grows, there are still moments where the looping thought will creep its way in — There just HAS to be more to life than this. It may not feel as daunting like it did when I was at my architecture desk job (and is definitely not as prevalent), but it will still poke its way through, usually in those times of distress and frustration. When it comes however, I now see it as an invitation for inquiry and change — What COULD life *actually* look like if there was more? If I allowed for more? If I took that first step towards change? If I listened to and followed those internal impulses within me a little deeper?
Because those internal impulses have served me pretty dang well up until this point — and have yet to fail me.
If you’ve ever experienced or are currently experiencing your own There just HAS to be more to life than this moment, could you allow yourself to dream into it a bit more? What COULD life *actually* look like if there WAS more for you?
